Valentines day in the toilet....

I've never liked Valentine's Day, because I've always spent it single, and it's always a reminder of that, a day dedicated specifically to reminding me that I'm pretty much a failure in life, at least when it comes to finding someone.

This one seemed worse than most. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a year older. I feel like the older I get, the less chance there is that I'm going to ever find someone - like I've missed all the opportunities, like I spent my younger years being fat and antisocial and working instead of going out and trying to find someone, and now it's too late because all the good women are already taken, and all that is left are the crazy and the ugly (both of which I probably fall into on the guy side).

It probably doesn't help my mood that I've spent a big chunk of my time trying to fix the toilet in my master bathroom, and I've gotten exactly nowhere. Right now I'm still on step one of the "how to replace the fill valve on your toilet". I emptied the tank, disconnected the water supply, and got one bolt out of the tank. The other two did not want to come out. Went to Lowe's and bough a pair of pliers and a screwdriver the size of railroad spike. Got the bolt loosened, but realized that the nut is rusted to the bolt and not going anywhere. I got out a cheap rotary tool I had gotten free after rebate a few years ago, and tried to cut the bolt - and broke both of the blades. Went to Home Depot, bought a real Dremel and a set of metal cutting blades. Went home, discovered that the metal cutting blades require a different shaft that isn't included. Unfortunately, I discovered this at 9:45, and Home Depot closes at 10, so I can't do anything else until tomorrow morning. So I've spent several hours and close to $100 wrestling with a toilet, and I'm nowhere near being able to pee without having to go to the hall bathroom. Plus, this whole thing reminds me that I'm completely useless when it comes to home repairs - I'm not one of those manly men who can look at something that's broken and figure out exactly what he needs to fix it and go to his massive collection of tools and get the right tool and get it fixed. I own very few tools, am a klutz when it comes to fixing stuff, and in general can't figure out how to do anything.

I did my usual Saturday evening activities today - went to 5pm mass, then went to the gym. The gym was nice and empty, even emptier than on a normal Saturday night, because all the people who aren't complete and utter failures were out doing something romantic with their significant others instead of gasping on an elliptical - with the exception of a couple crazy fitness couples who were at the gym together, and a few athletes. It didn't help my mood that the Precor I parked myself on was in front of a TV showing MTV, which was running such fair as "True Life: I'm Getting Married" and "Underage and Engaged". Nothing like seeing happy couples together to remind me yet again that I'm not part of one, and at this rate never will be.

The thing is when you are in a bad mood to begin with, small things that you don't normally think much of start to become noticeable and add to the general malaise. So every little thing that went wrong today - from both Targets I went to being out of Vault Zero to it raining - were like additional stones in my metaphorical shoe, digging in. I pretty much either want to cry or punch something. My life is nowhere near where I want it to be, and I don't know how to change it.

And tomorrow I have to try to finish getting my toilet fixed.