I've been feeling more and more unhappy the last week or two. Nothing seems to be going the way I would like it to, and I don't see a lot of ways to change it.
The first bummer, obviously, is the world of dating - after the last internet match not working out, I'm back to where I've always been - perusing ads for women who are too good to date me, sending emails that never get answered, and more and more wondering what the heck is wrong with me - why everywhere I go I seem to be surrounded by happy young couples with cute little babies. It's like there is this club that everyone gets to be a member of but me, and I don't understand why.
My parents are still, well, the same. I feel like I should be doing more to help them, but I'm not a good enough son to actually do more than visit once in a while.
Work just keeps reminding me what a failure I am. Six years of work and a grad degree, and I'm still doing work that a high school dropout could do. I don't see it changing anytime soon, and if I ever do get promoted I'll probably screw up and get fired.
I've been trying to lose some weight, and it's not helping my mood. I'm angry at myself for being oveweight in the first place, surprised how much weight I could lose and still be "normal" by BMI standards, and kind of depressed about the fact that I pretty much can't ever eat any foods I like or not exersize. I'm pretty sure losing weight will have absolutly no positive impact in my life, but it's about the only thing I can control, so I should probably do it.
And my cat hates me. For the last couple weeks, she pretty much ignores me, except she'll come into my home office when I'm on my computer and meow loudly and pitifully. If I pick her up, or go to pet her, or move to another room where she can hop on my lap more easily, she ignores me. If I stay on my computer, she keeps meowing, making me feel like the piece of shit that I am for ignoring her - the only female who I'll probably ever have in my bed.