Thoughts on that whole new year's resolution thing...

So, in an effort to try to make some progress on that whole stop being single thing, I put up an ad on OKCupid, a free site recommended by a forum I read. It has a nifty matching algorithm thing, plus it's free (my favorite price).

No nibbles so far. I haven't worked up the nerve to actually email anyone either - most of the girls who come up as matches are either 1)way out of my leauge or don't seem to have a whole lot in common with me. Usually both.

I'll probably throw up an ad on PlentyOfFish as well, since it's free. I can't really bring myself to spend money on match or one of it's competitors, and Craigslist is too freaky for me (one poster on a forum I regularly read described the dating section of Craigslist as "Adult Friend Finder for poor people", which seems pretty approrpiate.

I'm starting to think this whole dating thing isn't for me though. Online dating really doesn't have that much of an advantage over dating in the meatspace - it might make it easier if you are on the margins, but it still doesn't overcome the real issues.

And the truth is, I don't really like myself all that much. I look in the mirror and see a hairy guy with a beer gut and bad posture. If I was a chick, I wouldn't want to date me. (of course, if I was a chick, I'd probably spend all day playing with my boobs.) Writing the OKCupid ad was tough, because I couldn't really come up with anything interesting about myself. I go to work, the gym, home, sometimes class. I buy shit to sell on eBay. That's madanthony in a nutshell (help, I'm trapped in this nutshell. let me out). I don't play in a band or paint or climb mountains (shit, I have trouble climbing stairs) or fight to save orphaned kittens.

I'm starting to think that I just need to start learning to accept the fact that I'm probably going to be single for a long time, possibly forever, and learn how to enjoy it. I'm not sure how, though - when I'm by myself and not busy, it only reminds me that I'm alone with myself.

But I guess that's reality, and I might as well try to learn to accept it, because I don't really seem to have the confidence to change it.