mad anthony

Rants, politics, and thoughts on politics, technology, life,
and stuff from a generally politically conservative Baltimoron.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Burned out...

I feel kind of crappy. I'm tired, I'm sore, I just don't feel quite right. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. My face feels warm and I sweat at random times. My right arm and shoulder - my mousing arm - are sore. My head is stuffy.

I suspect it's more physical than mental. I don't think it's depression - I tend to be my happiest when I'm my busiest, and I'm really busy now. When I have lots of stuff to do, I don't have time to think about where I want to be in life or where I am, just about getting done what I need to get done. Two of the biggest things in my life - work and dating - have green shoots, although both also have the possibility of turning into a flaming mess.

And I've been busy. Last weekend I worked both days, for move-in weekend at work. The week before I worked one weekend, one late night during the week, and spent the other weekend day running errands and doing chores around the house because I knew I wouldn't be around to do them. This coming weekend I'm driving up to NJ to visit the parents. So I haven't had a chance to catch up on sleep or to relax. So I'm wondering if part of my problem is just lack of sleep. I've also been doing more work at work - when things are quiet I tend to be at my desk, but of late I've been having to run around doing a lot more stuff.

I'm hoping that I'm not sick - that it's not swine flu or something. I don't have time to be sick. This is the worst time of the year - we are super-busy just with the normal start-of-school crap, and I've got a bunch of projects I need to get underway as well.

Things don't show any sign of slowing down outside of work, either. I've been forcing myself to continue to go to the gym and do my normal 90 minute workout, which is good for my waistline but maybe not so good if I really have a cold or the flu or something. I've been talking on the phone with a woman I met online - don't know if it's going to go anywhere, but I need to make time for that so it has at least some chance. As I said before, I'm going to Jersey this weekend - I hope I feel better, and I hope it's not something I can pass on to the parents, who have enough health problems as it is. Going home isn't quite as relaxing as it used to be, either - I spend most of the time helping out the parents around the house and running errands. That's fine - they need the help, and it's the least I can do after all they've done for me - but it means that "vacation" really isn't a vacation.

I've actually felt so bad of late that I turned down overtime twice this week - which makes me hate myself for being so weak, when I could use the money - but I also don't know when I would do it. I've been getting to bed early, sometimes before midnight, yet I still feel tired in the morning. I'm up to 5 cans of Diet Mountain Dew a day, plus two or three cups of coffee.

So I'm hoping I feel better soon, but I'm not counting on it.


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