mad anthony

Rants, politics, and thoughts on politics, technology, life,
and stuff from a generally politically conservative Baltimoron.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Why despiration is seriously underrated in potential dates...

If you read any dating advice columns, especially ones aimed at the start of relationships, they will usually talk about how important it is not to appear too interested. Evidently, dating is supposed to be something like buying a car or haggling at a yard sale - you need to seem like you don't really want what you really want. In car buying, it's because you won't get a good price if they know you really want that yellow pickup. In dating, if you appear too eager, you are considered desperate, and that's a bad thing.

I'll admit to being desperate. Not that I would date/propose to the first woman who talked to me, but if I was dating a reasonably attractive woman who I liked and had a lot in common with, I wouldn't want to continue that relationship barring any major revelation of something unlikeable about that person.

I don't really see why desperation is such a turn-off. I mean, I think it could be a good thing. A desperate guy isn't going to cheat - he had enough trouble finding one woman willing to date him, he's not likely to find a second - and even if he did, he wouldn't want to risk the relationship that was so hard to get in the first place. He's going to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep the relationship, do what he's asked, give in, compromise.

I guess part of it is a certain "I don't want to be part of any club that will have me as a member" mentality - if a guy is that interested in a woman (or vice versa) they may think there must be something wrong with the person that they would be so interested. But what if it's the other way around - if you are such a catch, wouldn't you expect people to be interested in one another?

In general, I hate games - I suck at climbing the career ladder at work, and I suck at dating just as much. I hate that things need to be so complicated, that people need to pretend that they don't feel the way they do about the things they want in order to get them.


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