Accident reconstruction...

I'm pretty much at the point where I want to cry. I'm angry at myself for today's car accident, and the fact that it's made my life much more complicated, and probably quite a bit expensive as well. I'm still trying to figure out what to do - I think I might stay in NJ until Sunday, then borrow my dad's minivan until it's fixed.

I'm pissed at myself for the series of bad decisions that led to this - going out when I really didn't have to, taking a different route home than I originally was going to, and not double-checking before I pulled out. Part of me hates myself for screwing up, part of me wonders how everything managed to align to screw things up at this exact time. If I'd left the house or the store a few minutes later or earlier, I would't have been in that intersection at that exact time, and my truck would be in front of my parent's house in one piece instead of at an auto body shop in Bridgewater.

I'm also not sure what has happened to me in terms of driving in the last year or so. I have a not-entirely-undeserved reputation as a bad driver, but the truth is that I've had my license for 11 years. In the first 10 years and 6 months of driving, I never had an at-fault accident with property damage, and I was pulled over exactly one time. In the last 6 months, I've gotten pulled over twice, and I've had two accidents with fairly significant property damage. Most people mature and become better drivers. I've become worse. I'm almost scared to drive anymore, but I don't really have a choice.

Maybe this time I'll finally learn, and maybe with a new year luck will be on my side. And yes, things could be worse - nobody was hurt, insurance will cover most of it, and there are worse things that could happen. But there are also better things.