What DOES the woman of 2k8 want?

Via this PJM article come two columns by Kay Hymowitz. The first laments man-children who are more interested in drinking, hooking up, and video games than settling down, while the second proposes that women are complicit in this - because they aren't as interested in marriage, and because they tend to pick assholes anyway.

madanthony considers himself a bit of anomaly. Most of my friends seem to have reluctantly settled in to settling down - while they enjoy their new lives, they seem to somewhat miss the freedom of their single-guy days - or else they are still single and happy to be. I, on the other hand, seem to long for that lifestyle, but can't seem to get it. I have the supposed freedom of being single, but I don't go out drinking or spend hours playing video games.

On paper, I don't look too bad. I think I look like the kind of responsible adult who is long-term relationship material. I'm gainfully employed in a job that is steady, pays decently, and has lots of perks. I have a college degree and an MBA. I own my own house. I have no debt outside of my mortgage and a student loan. I have a credit score above 800. I can generally hold my own in conversations about politics and economics. I don't use drugs and seldom drink. I go to the gym almost daily. I have no communicable diseases, no criminal record, I have a cute little kitty cat, I go to church regularly, and I think I'm a generally decent person.

Yes, there are plenty of things wrong with me. I'm kind of quiet when I first meet people. My posture resembles the hunchback of Notre Dame. I'm not the world's most assertive person. I could stand to lose a couple pounds. I'm short and hairy, like a small monkey.

But there are lots of people I think suck more than I do who have managed to find someone. Maybe it's just bad luck, and I'll find someone someday.

But I think Kay has a point about the state of modern women. Women no longer really need men. They don't need marriage or settling down as much, and they are much more willing to have short relationships. They are more likely to focus on things like their career, more likely to get involved in hobbies or travel. And because they can provide for themselves, they don't need to worry about finding someone "steady", so instead they can look for someone who is exciting and outgoing and sculpted - everything I'm not.

I use a couple online dating sites (with no success so far). I've noticed that while I have my match settings set from 21 to 31, most of my matches seem to skew at one end or the other. The 21-years olds just haven't found someone yet. But the 31 year olds are more likely to be single because they've been focusing on other stuff - they've traveled the world, or they have focused all their attention on their careers and are doctors or lawyers or business owners. They are, in other words, the exact opposite of the kind of person who would be interested in me - and they are closer to me agewise than the 21-year-olds.

Will madanthony ever find someone? I don't know. But the demographic shifts seem to be against it.