mad anthony

Rants, politics, and thoughts on politics, technology, life,
and stuff from a generally politically conservative Baltimoron.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The audacity of hope....

Early on in my unsuccessful adventures in internet dating, I joked to my friend bsom that I really had nothing to lose if it didn't work out - after all, it's not like I could get any more single. To which he replied "Well, your cat could leave you. You know, you could come home and there could just be a letter written entirely in pawprints."

Well, Nibbler the cat hasn't left me - I think she likes being fed and having a place to poop too much - but I'm not sure the whole dating thing is a simple as that. In a way, I'm worse off than when this whole thing started. It's sort of like Tantalus - I thought I was close to getting something I wanted, but still couldn't seem to get it.

Now, I know I probably went into this with too-high expectations. I thought we kind of clicked on the phone/email, but obviously those things translate differently into the real world. And I guess that's a lesson to me if I ever manage to ever convince another woman to go out with me.

But I still don't understand why this is so hard for me. Everyone else I know my age - or even much younger - seems to have found someone, and I can't seem to. What is a normal part of life for everyone else seems to be as out of reach as Tantalus' fruit tree. Is there something wrong with me? Is it fixable? Am I being punished by some divine force for something I did wrong? I'd like to think that the reason I've been single is part of some master plan, that there is someone out there for me and I just haven't met her yet. But I'd also like to think that I'm going to win the lottery tomorrow, and I know that isn't going to happen (especially since I never buy lottery tickets).

Dealing with disappointment, loneliness, and hopelessness are an important part of the human condition. But, at least when it comes to dating (and home prices) it seems to be something that I feel like I've dealt with more than my fair share of, and I wish I could figure out how to change it.


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