mad anthony

Rants, politics, and thoughts on politics, technology, life,
and stuff from a generally politically conservative Baltimoron.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm just a sucker with no self esteem...

One of the things about going to NJ for Easter last weekend was I got to see the family.

I have one aunt on my father's side. The first thing she did when she saw me for the first time in four months was to look at my beard and go "you aren't going to keep that , are you" - then she told me that I needed to stop losing weight because I'm losing too much (keep in mind that by government guidlines, I still about 20 pounds above what they consider "normal").

On my mom's side, I have two uncles. One of them doesn't talk much - I'm still not even sure what exactly he does for a living.

My other uncle, though, doesn't stop talking. He has something I wish I had - an incredible sense of self-confidence. During Easter dinner, he told us that he was switching positions because they wanted him to clean up another department like the one he currently is in, that the two women who worked his department were leaving because he was, that they asked him to help them write their resumes because he's so good at that, ect. He also told a number of stories about how he was smarter than other coworkers and the IT guy (his IT stories didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I didn't feel like asking him what the hell he was talking about....).

That's prety much the opposite of me. I tend to be a bit low on the self-esteem side. When I get my employee evaluation every year, I'm always a little surprised when it has positive comments - I always think that I'm a fraud who has no idea what he's doing when it comes to work, and I fear that one day they will find out and fire me.

One of my friends has been known to look at girls walking by and go "I bet I could be doing her by the end of the day if I tried". He's had a girlfriend as long as I've known him, so I've never seen if this is true - but there's a lot more chance that he could pull it off than I could, if only because that kind of thought would never occur to me - I would tend to be thinking more like "if I tried to talk to her, would she hit me or mace me?". Which is probably why I always seem to be single...


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