Why pr0n and video games aren't to blame for immature guys...

Via Best of the web (last entry) comes yet another article about how guys are a bunch of lazy video game playing porn watching losers who live in their parent's basement instead of getting married and raising families like responsible adults used to do.

As Taranto points out, part of this has to do with the rise of women - which meant a decline in men. And I'm not sure about some of the article's conclusion. We are in a pretty bad recession, and it tends to hit entry level recent college grads worst. While the people profiled are at least partly voluntarily underemployed, some people living at home are clearly doing it because they don't have a better option. And it's worth asking if moving out is really a sign of maturity - there are some young adults who can afford to move out but choose to live at home for a few years to build up a nest egg. That's called deferred gratification - dealing with the inconvenience of living with your parents for a while - in exchange for being able to get a nicer place when you do move out. Rent and associated costs can easily eat up 50% or more of a paycheck, and living at home for a few years can mean that someone can bank tens of thousands of dollars towards, say, a down payment on a house.

The article also sites declining marriage numbers and later marriages as proof that guys are basement-dwelling porn addled losers. But part of lower marriage numbers is because of increased cohabitation - some of those guys aren't single, it's just become normal for couples to live together for years before tying the knot.

But let's accept the premise that there is a bunch of single, loser guys living in their parent's basements, and a bunch of women who are not too happy about that. Why? Is it video games and porn? I doubt it. I think the real answer is that the reason there are so many loser guys is that there are women who are willing to date them.

At least one of the single basement-dwellers in the article has had a string of girlfriends, despite possessing none of the traits that women supposedly find desirable, like his own place or gainful employment. Yet despite the fact that, on paper, I meet all those things that women are supposedly looking for - I own my own house, am gainfully employed in a decent-paying job, am in reasonably solid financial shape, and am looking to settle down and raise a family - I don't even get dates, let alone have relationships.

Sure, there are plenty of things wrong with me - I'm short, marginally overweight, I blog, I'm introverted, I have a strange and unsexy hobbies like going to auctions, and i talk to my cat. But presumably if women were formost concerned about financial stability and long-term relationships, at least some of them would consider overlooking these things and at least giving me a shot.

But they don't. Why? Because when women say they are looking for financially secure stable guys, they mean they are looking for tall, attractive, athletic, outgoing guys, and they would prefer that they be financially stable and mature. But when push comes to shove - when they have a choice of the attractive guy or the responsible one - they will pick the attractive one every time, even if he lives in his parent's basement and spends all day playing Halo. Which means guys have no incentive not to live in their parents basement and play video games, because it isn't hurting their dating all that much.

I suspect part of this is evolution - even though women - especially educated women - have become the dominant and more successful gender, they are still wired to look for the kind of strong, agressive guy who would protect them from bears and not the less the guy who can't kill a bear but can make sure the mortgage is paid.

And hey, women are free to date who they want and choose what they think are the most important things. But they should be honest about that decision - about the fact that financial stability and maturity and employment are all nice to haves, not must haves. And if they aren't happy about the guys they are dating, maybe they should blame porn and video games a little less and look a little more internally instead.