The rise and fall of fall....

A few weeks ago, fall seemed to be here - it got cold, and the long sleeve shirts and sweatpants came out of the closet. But it was a false alarm, soon followed by warm weather.

But Indian Summer (can I still call it that, or is it Native American Summer now?) is over, and fall is back on it's way in. The temperature is dropping - today's high was in the mid-50's, leaves are starting to turn colors and fall, and nature is letting us know that fall is here and winter will follow.

I generally don't like fall. Part of it is that it signals the impending doom of winter, which I like even less. If spring is hope, a taste of the summer that is about to come, fall is a taste of despair, a reminder that the season of chapped hands and uncomfortable shivers and heating bills and scraping ice off the windshield in the morning is soon to be upon us. There's something about cold weather that just makes me feel more sad and alone than normal.

And I dislike winter for all those reasons, and more. It heralds the end of the things I like about summer - being able to go to the gym without packing sweatpants for the trip home, being able to drive around with the windows open, being able to walk out the door in the morning without grabbing a jacket.

But right now, fall is at it's most pleasant. It's cooler - put a fleece on cooler - but at midday, is still pleasant. There is a certain smell in the air - fireplaces or burning leaves or something. It makes the little part of me that doesn't manage to find the cloud around every silver lining - want to figure out how to enjoy it. It makes me want to try to figure out how to bake an apple pie. It makes me wonder if I should start decorating for Halloween like my neighbors (whose life-sized scarecrows have freaked me out on the occasional half-asleep morning).

I've never liked fall, because I've never liked winter. But I've always liked summer, and I didn't really like this one - I let work take over my life, refused to let myself relax, let myself become swamped under a sea of active directory migrations and PC replacements and open work orders. I foresaked the things I said I would do over the summer - spend time with my parents in Jersey, throw a summer party, fire up the grill. So if I can ruin summer, maybe I can learn to like fall - to treat it as something I can make fun, instead of letting mother nature kick me in the balls. While I think luck and situation has a role in our lives, happiness is in part what we make it. If I can walk outside in 50 degree weather and breath the air and not feel completely miserable, maybe I can make it into something good.

I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to do that, though. Besides the apple pie.