mad anthony

Rants, politics, and thoughts on politics, technology, life,
and stuff from a generally politically conservative Baltimoron.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What's wrong with me?

In a recent FW thread on the recent marriage of the world's fattest man, I lamented that the world's fattest man has found a woman, yet madanthony, despite being able to go places without the aid of a forklift, is still single.

This prompted the following reply from a regular You need to shake the "oh poor me" attitide and get some confidence. It will go a long way in meeting Ms. Right...or Ms. Left.

The way I see it, when you've been single as long as I have, at some point you have to figure that it really isn't you, it's me. Sure, advice that "if you get rejected, just figure it's their loss and move on" is easy once or twice.

But I'm 28 years old, and I've never had a real relationship. I've never had anything that could even be considered an actual date. Sure, if a few women aren't interested in you, you can figure that that's simply that they are looking for something different in a date. But when you figure that out of every single woman I've ever come into contact with - including pretty extensive use of online dating sites - has no interest in me, that makes me figure that there is actually something wrong with me. I'm just not sure what.

For most of my life, I've been fat, and I've always blamed that. But I lost a bunch of weight a few years back, and for the most part I've kept it off. Sure, I could still stand to lose a couple pounds, and I'm not going to be modeling for the front cover of cheap romance novels anytime soon, but there are definitely guys with more pounds than me who are still pulling chicks.

There are some other physical things that probably don't help me - my horribly oversized eyeglasses (soon to be replaced), my horrible teeth (I skipped getting braces as a kid) and my curved back (I was told as a college student by a back doctor that my spine was curved, but not enough to do surgery on or anything. I probably should get a second opinion, as I've had random people comment on it, which makes me figure it's probably scaring women off).

Maybe it's these things. Or maybe it's my lack of anything really interesting - my hobbies are boring and solitary - yard sales, ebay, blogging, going to the gym. I'm not a great conversationalist. I don't have huge amounts of fascinating information to contribute to conversations. I probably have an unhealthy obsession with my psychotic (but so cute) cat. \

Or maybe I just exude failure. That's what I find ironic about people who tell me that I should be more confident, as if confidence is something that can just be switched on. This seems as useful to me as telling an alcoholic that they should stop drinking. My lack of confidence isn't some sort of irrational action, but instead a rational response to years of failure. I'm not confident because I don't have any reason to be confident - if I've failed this long, odds are I will continue to fail.

Yes, I realize statistically random things do happen, and that past performance doesn't always indicate future performance (as the recent real estate market performance shows). But at the same time, insanity is sometimes defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I realize that part of my problem in terms of dating is that I don't really do things that put me in contact with large numbers of single women - the larger the number, the more chance of success. But I can't really seem to find anything that works for me - I don't do clubs or bars, I don't work in a target-rich environment (and don't want to risk a sexual harassment claim), have tried pretty much every online dating site with nothing other than a few dangling emails as results, and my one attempt at going to a church single's club was an utter failure.

I feel like if I could actually go on some dates and have a relationship - even if it doesn't last long, that I would feel better about my prospects - that it would suggest that there are women who have at least some interest in me, that I'm lovable and worthy of someone's time. But until that happens, I don't see a lot of reason for me to be confident. And until I figure out what's wrong with me, why I'm so unlovable, I don't see how that can happen.


At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few words of advice,

work out and try to get your body into the best shape possible. You dont have to look like the Hulk but a good body does give you of confidence.

Get invisailgn for your teeth. Teeth and smile are very important. I am sure fixing your smile will give you added confidence and help converse more.
I had invisalign (about 5k paid over time monthly w/ no interest) and they worked well and nobody knew I had them. It was well worth the money and since you have a decent stable job I would go for it.

There are tons of single lonely girls out there. Drastically Lower your standards and ask out some attainable girls (Im sure the fattest man didnt marry a model). Going on a string of dates and kissing, physical interaction w/ the opposite sex will also add confidence.

Once again, there is someone out there for every one so work at it and you'll be fine.


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